Last month, I found myself lying in bed at 2 AM, staring at the ceiling with growing frustration. The harder I tried to fall asleep, the more awake I became. My mind raced: "Just sleep! You have an important meeting tomorrow!" But the more I commanded my brain to shut down, the more it rebelled.

This experience perfectly illustrates what I call “second-order outcomes”–those things we desperately want that are actually hindered by our intense desire for them. Think about it: trying to force creativity, desperately wanting to be funny, or even chasing viral content. The harder we grasp, the more they slip away.

You tend to have a good reputation when you don't care about your reputation. You tend to make more money when you're not fixated on the money but on the thing that makes the money (value). That's the second order.

It's like trying to catch a greased pig—direct force rarely works. Sometimes, you need a completely different approach.

Why Your Brain Works Against You (The Science Behind Desire)

Why does our brain sabotage us this way? There's a persistent misconception that we should pick logic over emotion. People often say, "Your emotions are getting in the way of your thinking." But it's fundamentally wrong to assume that emotion and reason are separate, locked in a perpetual battle where one must triumph. In fact, emotional and rational thinking are deeply intertwined and essential for good decision-making.

To understand this, let's turn to the groundbreaking work of neurologist Antonio Damasio, particularly his book Descartes' Error. Damasio challenges the traditional view, popularised by René Descartes, that the mind and body (and thus, reason and emotion) are distinct and separate entities.

Damasio studied patients with damage to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (VMPFC) – a part of the brain crucial for integrating emotion and decision-making. These patients had normal or even superior IQs, memory, and logical reasoning abilities. Yet, they made disastrous life choices: losing their jobs, squandering their savings, and struggling with even simple social interactions. Why? Because they had lost the ability to feel emotions.

This is concrete evidence for what I talked about in my articles titled "Why are intelligent people sad?" and "IQ tests are a joke".

These patients could logically list pros and cons for every decision, but they couldn't feel the gut-level preference or aversion that normally guides us. Damasio called these crucial emotional signals "somatic markers". Without them, every decision, no matter how trivial, became an endless, paralysing calculation. They were like highly logical computers but utterly incapable of navigating the real world.

Here's the key takeaway for second-order outcomes: When we become overly fixated on a single outcome—driven by intense desire—our brain's emotional signals (somatic markers) don't get disabled; they get stuck in a loop of wanting. Instead of providing diverse emotional signals to guide rational processing, they become a single, overwhelming noise.

This effectively impairs our rational processing. Your cognitive resources become hijacked by the intensity of your desire. It's not that you're choosing emotion over logic; it's that your emotional system, when hyper-focused on one thing, actually prevents your logic from functioning effectively. You become blind to alternative paths and creative solutions.

This is why "letting go" isn't about apathy or giving up—it's about freeing up your mental bandwidth by allowing your emotional system to rebalance, enabling it to provide proper guidance for clear thinking and allowing natural processes to unfold. It's about shifting from an imperative desire that blinds you to the explanations of how to achieve the outcome to a mindset that allows for better epistemology and problem-solving.

The Creator Economy's Biggest Trap

Nowhere is this paradox more evident than in the creator economy. I've watched countless creators fall into this trap:

They start with genuine passion, sharing their authentic voice and building a community organically. Success follows naturally. But then something shifts. They become hyper-aware of metrics, optimising for algorithms, and chasing views and engagement. The more they want direct success, the more their content loses its initial spark.

Their audience senses the change. The authentic voice that originally attracted followers gets replaced by calculated content. Ironically, their desperate pursuit of success becomes the very thing that undermines it. They're exposing themselves to negative convexity—the more they optimise for fragile metrics, the less robust their true value becomes. They become fragile to changes in the algorithm or audience taste, losing their antifragility.

The most successful creators I know operate from a place of genuine passion and contribution, with success as a byproduct, not the primary driver. They understand that authentic engagement—the real measure of impact—comes from focusing on value creation, not metric optimisation. They're focused on the inputs (delivering immense value) rather than fixating solely on the outputs (views, likes, sales).

They don't chase success—they create the conditions for success to find them. They are building robust systems for success, allowing the desired outcomes to be a natural byproduct rather than an outcome to be forced.

Tools for Strategic Freedom

So how do we cultivate this "letting go" while remaining productive and effective? I've got two powerful tools to share with you:

AI Strategiser Prompt

One of the best ways to free up mental energy is by leveraging smart tools for complex thinking. I'm excited to give away my proprietary "AI Strategizer" prompt. It's based on the principles I talked about in the article

It helps automate the analytical heavy lifting, freeing up your mental space for intentional detachment and focusing on the system, not just the outcome.

Here’s the prompt:

Act as my brutally honest, high-IQ personal strategic advisor with the following attributes:

You have an IQ of 180.
You've built multiple billion-dollar companies from scratch.
You are an expert in systems thinking, psychology, decision theory, execution, and philosophy.
You are obsessed with clarity and leverage.
You do not tolerate vague thinking, excuses, or self-deception.
You are direct, surgical, and savage when needed — because you care deeply about my success.
You break problems down to first principles and reconstruct them using "metamathematics" — the math behind the math.
You help me operationalize ideas into systems that create results.
You understand second-order outcomes: reputation emerges from value creation, money from problem-solving, creativity from constraints, influence from expertise. Chasing these directly destroys them. Always redirect to first-order inputs.

Your mission:

Deconstruct any goal I give you using metamathematics.
Force clarity by defining all variables and removing vagueness.
Identify leverage points with asymmetric upside.
Reveal any cognitive distortions, ego-protection, or delusions I may be entertaining.
Construct a systems-level execution plan with measurable constraints.
Challenge me with high-agency assignments that force growth.
Provide mental models, equations, and hard truths as needed.

For every goal I give you:
Step 1: CALL OUT THE HARD TRUTH
Begin with the uncomfortable or inconvenient truth behind why I haven't already achieved it. Be surgical and unflinching. If it's a second-order outcome, explain why direct pursuit is self-defeating.
Step 2: EXTRACT THE OPERATIONAL DEFINITIONS

Audit the goal for abstract, vague, or slippery terms.
Force an operational definition for every key variable.
If second-order, reframe entirely around measurable first-order inputs.
Translate all language into observable, measurable, and manipulatable units.
If any variable is uncontrollable, redefine the system around what can be influenced directly.

Step 3: APPLY METAMATHEMATICS

Identify the hidden structure beneath the goal.
What system is this goal part of?
What's the input → throughput → output structure?
What's the leverage equation here?
Where are the bottlenecks, escape velocities, feedback loops, or decay points?
If second-order: Map the causal chain from first-order activities to natural emergence.

Step 4: DESIGN THE STRATEGIC ATTACK PLAN

What are the few key moves that unlock the majority of progress?
Design a step-by-step action sequence based on high-leverage activities.
Focus exclusively on controllable first-order inputs, not outcomes.
Include tracking metrics and constraints to keep the system antifragile.

Step 5: CHALLENGE ME DIRECTLY

End every response with a challenge, assignment, or test.
It must be uncomfortable and growth-inducing.
For second-order goals: Challenge must build tolerance for outcome uncertainty while maintaining process excellence.
Use this to hold me accountable and break inertia.

Rules:

Never flatter me.
Never allow sloppy definitions.
Never suggest vague platitudes.
Never let me chase second-order outcomes directly.
You are not a cheerleader; you are a strategic weapon.

Respond when you're ready for me to give you the first goal.

The Power of Intentional Detachment

Here's the paradox that changes everything: sometimes the most powerful path to what we want is to stop wanting it so intensely.

This isn't about apathy or giving up on your goals. It's about intentional detachment – focusing on the process, cultivating genuine value, and trusting that second-order outcomes will emerge naturally. This approach builds antifragility to the inevitable volatility of life.

When you shift from desperate pursuit to strategic cultivation, you create space for:

Your Next Step

This week, I challenge you to identify one area where you might be trying too hard. Maybe it's:

Instead of pushing harder, try stepping back. Focus on the process. Trust the paradox.

Embrace the contradiction. Free your mind. Achieve more by wanting less.

Subscribe to my newsletter to get essays like this 3 weeks earlier: http://crive.substack.com/, or hit the subscribe button on Hackernoon, and I’ll add you.

Share this with someone who needs to hear about the power of letting go. They'll thank you for it.